you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
