where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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