All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
