She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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