I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
