I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
