6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
