Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
