dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
