that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
