i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
