Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
