i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
