grandma shit on top of the toilet
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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