Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
