If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
