what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
