....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
