Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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