You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
