Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
