I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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