I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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