I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
