my phone needs a breathalizer
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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