Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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