My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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