took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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