420 ftw
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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