And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
