I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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