i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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