So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
