Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
