i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
