I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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