i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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