God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
