Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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