tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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