If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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