I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
