Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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