sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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