addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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