brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
