My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
