its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
