Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
