Define "chronic" masturbator.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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