Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
