Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
