it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
