I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
