check it out our google latitudes are spooning
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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