she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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