There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
