Porn is love you can see.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
