If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
