remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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