I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
