How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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