My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
