He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
