ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
