Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
