Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
