just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
