Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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