dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
