I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
