It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
