you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
