i think my tv is drunk
She said her name was "party"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
