I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
