Already got asked if we're dating
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
