Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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