Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
