Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
